what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
