If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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