I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
