Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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