Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
