My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
