It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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