maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
