how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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