you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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