so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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