One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
