I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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