Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
