I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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