He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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