WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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