So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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