new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
