If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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