I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
