That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
