Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
