They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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