evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
