i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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