Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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