Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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