Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
