The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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