guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize