he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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