Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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