if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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