Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
