Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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