I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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