Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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