Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
