I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
