I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
