i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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