Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
