I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
