cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
