so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
