So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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