After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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