11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
