why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
