State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
