Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
