What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i think i just lost a toe
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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