Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
