What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
