my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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